Role of a mother

I will always be a mother and I can't imagine having to choose between you and my child. I want to believe you'd never ask that of me.

Can you promise me that?

I can promise you that. I understand the role of a parent. Am I over-indulgent? Sometimes. After what I've been through with my child, I hope you will be able to understand why. It's not an all the time thing, it's not even a semi-regular thing. My child lives states away and I've only visited three times in the last year. We don't even talk every day. But when I'm needed, within reason, I don't want to feel conflicted about being there for my kid.

I'll write about guilt eventually but it's a weapon I had used extensively on me in my youth and I struggle to respond to it as a logical adult, it is almost a "trigger" of sorts that sucks me back to childhood self-preservation and it isn't a good look.

I can't exist in a constant state of guilt and feeling like I am in a no-win situation where I can only fail.

You aren't you if you'd tear me in two.