Parenting

There is nothing I've done in my life that has been more difficult.

Fear be damned, that's a love you can't escape...you're in it whether you want to be or not.

Sexual assault wasn't what was near fatal to my child, it was the victim blaming afterward that was truly destructive and that generated the momentum of a downward spiral I was unable to control. And though I am submissive, I am also a bit of a control freak.

I distinctly remember the day I forced myself to accept and acknowledge that my child was not likely going to survive. I think I did it to give myself the strength for one more desperate act to save the one person who meant the most to me in the world. I remember where I was, I remember the light in the room, and I remember a pain that I couldn't imagine carrying for the rest of my life.

Out of desperation I sent my child to a treatment center out of state and took up temporary residence close by. It was a blessing to travel for work.

It is a blessing that my co-parent is my best friend and was there with me almost every weekend throughout those three agonizing months (and the before and after).

It is a blessing that we lucked out with the best therapist on the planet, who we still quote to this day, who taught all of us so much, and whose lessons still reinforce our lives.

It is a blessing that my child survived the assault, the blame, and the loss of love that came after.

My child is now a parent, which makes me the "G" word I can't quite connect with yet.

I watch from afar at how far my child has come and how one can heal and survive so much and come out so strong on the other side.

My child is both a source of pride and inspiration. I know you can respect that.

I respect those roles you play that transcend us and our relationship as well.

One of the important lessons I learned on our journey is that your perception is your reality, as is mine, and I can't change anyone's perception of reality for my own comfort or convenience.