Merry Fucking Christmas

I truly don't care about Christmas. It's not the fact that it's Christmas that is so fucking depressing.

It's that RV is done with me. Over one of the top five worst fucks of my life.

So unworth it.

Yet I realize this morning, there is no way to know that in advance. If it had been great...everything would be fine. But I have no way of knowing those things and I can only control the fuck from my side.

If he permits me to fuck other people he has to accept the potential consequences of that too. And he doesn't. Which goes to what JS said about the situation, he doesn't REALLY want me to fuck other men. He wants to make it so miserable and painful for me I just won't do it.