Evaded the trap

I had ALMOST allowed myself to "settle" into something with someone who wasn't you.

The number of red flags that told me the was a bad idea couldn't be counted on two hands. There were too many. Toes would have needed to be involved...and did I mention I'm not into the whole foot thing?

I was just looking over my last several posts to you and I think my doubt in your existence was what was leading me down the path but I think my understanding of what life could be like with you in it is what stopped me.

Anyone who isn't you will likely distract me from finding you and that is the last thing I want.

I feel like it's a catch-22 in some ways because I know what we could be together and we would both be the very best versions of ourself in that but at the same time, I struggle to be that best version of myself alone and without you looking over my shoulder and encouraging me with your love and approval.

I couldn't respect you...you wouldn't be you...if you'd have me as I am without you today. Yet I struggle to be the version of me that you deserve without you in my life.