Breath play

I thought about adding part of this under "Things of little appeal..." but I thought it deserved its own discussion.

I love asphyxia type breath play. Sort of like I really enjoy opioid style pain killers...so I avoid them because I am aware of the dangers in liking such a thing. Asphyxia is the same, though harder for me to resist

I don't love smothering the same way or waterboarding type breath play, there is something about the choking aspect that is appealing.

And I say that and I understand how it is irrational. It probably makes as much sense to a lot of people as feet in a sexual context makes to me.

I am not stupid, I have a healthy respect and fear of the appeal. I don't do autoerotic asphyxia.

I remember the first time a guy I was dating choked me during sex (he was not dominant and I didn't have a description for myself yet) and it really freaked me out...we hadn't discussed it and I'd never heard of it or realized how common it was.

The second time was with a casual partner and for some reason the fact I didn't know him as well made it both more scary but also more of a turn on.

The Dominant man I was with was very uncomfortable with asphyxia and more comfortable with smothering...which is how I learned they aren't the same and I prefer one over the other. He would indulge me on occasion but I knew he was always many steps to the safe side of the line.

The sadist I was with was recklessly comfortable with asphyxia and helped me realize just how dangerous the appeal was to me. He would choke with both his hands and belts and I couldn't get enough, though I fought actually going out completely because the fear was real.

I recall one of our last, very intense encounter where he was choking me with a belt from behind and left marks on my neck that I had to explain away at work. He'd also been smacking me in the face hard enough to slightly dislocate my jaw and I was oblivious in the moment. We talked about it years later and he always thought that I'd disliked his overzealousness in that specific encounter and that's why we'd drifted apart but the reality is that I liked it too much and was afraid of how far we'd take it as neither of us had the self-control to keep me safe.

I believe that you'll indulge me but have the self-control to keep me safe.