50 Shades of Ugh...

I know there are a lot of people who liked 50 Shades. I read it, I watched it, I am sure it got more people exploring in the bedroom.

But I hated that his Dominance was painted as some sort of character flaw and it was on her to fix him, show him the light, make him better.

If you consent to something, especially if you have a code word, you have to accept responsibility for the outcome if you allow things to go too far. The ending scene in the playroom in the first movie was so offensive, I could barely stand it.

I hate to code but I have.

I had one scene go too far. I consented to undertaking it without a code word. My mistake and my learning experience. I was also bound and gagged...so it took some effort to convey that we needed to stop...but he did when he figured it out.

It was far from intense but I got in my head, I felt too out of control without the code word, and I had the only panic attack I've ever had in my life. I curled up in the fetal position and shook for a while, he comforted me and apologized...though I repeatedly told him it wasn't his fault...because it wasn't...and we went on our way and continued to play another day...with code words.

I will need a code word, maybe not forever, maybe I'll never need to use it.

Though for some reason, I think you'll want to threaten me with things you know will make me use it simply because you'll know how much I hate using it.

But the bottom line is, I will choose to endure much for you. Because you're you.